Jokes

    Q:How do gays fight?
    A:They exchange blows

    Their once was a guy who got his dick chopped off.  So he went to the doctors and the doctors said that their was a new experimental way to get a new dick by taking a part off a animal.  So the guy says ok.  Anyways one day on date he is sitting their at a restaurant when he feels something bulging out of his pants.  It hurts so much that he finallies unzipps his pants.  Then all of a sudden his dick pops up and grabs a egg roll and goes back under the table.  So then his date says wow can you do that again.  So the guy says probobly but I don't know if I can fit another eggroll up my ass!
 

    Q:Why are blond jokes so short?
    A:So brunettes can remember them

    Q:What do you do if a blond throws you a hand grenade?
    A: Pull the pin and throw it back

    One day a blonde was flying on one of those big, four engine airplanes over the ocean when the captain comes over the loud speaker, "excuse me passengers, but it appears that we have lost one engine, your flight will be delayed for about an hour." Everyone on the plane looks at their watches and groans, knowing that the plane can still fly, but annoyed that they will all be late. Half an hour later, the captain comes on again and tells the passenger that another engine is gone and another hour is lost. After another hour, and  another lost engine, the blonde gets annoyed and yell to the rest of the passengers, "DAMNIT! IF WE LOSE ANOTHER ENGINE WE'RE GONNA BE HERE ALL DAY!"

    One time their was a guy in a old town living with some old people.  His dad came to him and gave him a wooden duck and told him never to get rid of it ever.  So he says that he won't.  So that day he is walking down town and sees a hooker.  So he walks over to her and says if you fuck me I will give you this duck.  So she says OK.  So after they fuck he remembers he can't get rid off the duck.  So he says I give you 50 buck for the duck back.  Then she says well you were pretty good so if you fuck me again I will give you the duck back so he say sure.  So he fucks her and gets the duck back.  Then later that day a cop is chasing some shit fucker when he accidently bumps into the guy with duck and the duck goes flying into the middle of the road were a truck runs over it.  Then later the cop comes back and says I will give you 25 bucks for that duck so the guy takes the money and goes home.  Then when he is home his mom asks him so what did you do today?  So then he says "I got a duck for a fuck, a fuck for a duck, and 25 bucks for a fucked up duck!"
 

    One day their is a guy walking through this place naked getting soap for a shower when 3 nuns come.  So he quickly poses like a statue with the 2 bars of soap in his hands.  So the one nun say "hey look a new statue" and she pulls his dick and a bar of soap flies out and the nun catches it.  Then the second nun says" hey I also want a bar of soap" so she pulls his dick and the second bar of soap flies out and the nun catches it.  Then the third nun says" I also want some soap" so she pulls his dick and nothing happens.  So she keeps on pulling his dick then some cum shoots out and she says" wow it also dispenses liquid soap!"

Q:How many Irish men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:13, 1 to hold the light bulb and 12 to get drunk and make the room spin.

Q:How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:3, 1 to hold the buld, 1 to hold the later, and 1 to turn the light switch on.
 

    There are three types of people on this planet, those who can count, and those who can't.

    to err is human, but to really fuck things up takes a computer

    ye who laughs last, thinks slowest

    ye who laughs last, is a Newphie

    ye who laughs last, is probably American

    eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
 
    don't drink and drive, get high and fly home

    don't drink and drive, you might spill your beer

    Spots on the wall by hoo flung poo

    Rusty Bed Springs By I P freely
 
     There was a guy who was visiting Japan and really needed a fuck. He walked along the street and found a hooker.  She didn't speak english but got the hint when he held up some money. They went back to his room and began fucking, during the hot sex, she yelled "ohtah ohtah!" He figured it was the japanese form of "oh baby" or something. The next day he and one of his friends (who speaks both japanese and english) are on the  golf course with a japanese guy. He hits the ball from the tee on the first hole, and gets a hole in one, but on hole number two, right next to hole number one, the japanese guy shakes his head and says "ohtah, hehe." the guy turns to his friend and asks "what does ohtah mean anyway?" the man replies "wrong hole."

    Dundalk-where men are men and sheep are scared
    Dundalk-town of 4 last names
    Dundalk-where your sister is also your wife

    Laurel-pupulation U
 
    Grand Valley-your wife doesn't leave you, you just lose your turn

    One time their was 3 people walking throught the desert, a newphie, Canadian and a American.  The Canadian asks the American "why did you bring bread?" the American says "so I can eat" the American asks "why did you bring water?" so the Canadian says "so if I get thirsty I can drink it" then the American and Canadian ask the Newphie "why did you bring a car door"  so the Newphie says "If I get hot then I can roll down the window."
 
 

    FUNNY NAMES

    Harry Dick
    Aneida Dick
    Suck Shit
    hoo flung poo
    pam sbeatenoff
    R Dicks
    R U Gay